Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I've moved.

Okay, I really think I fixed the link this time.

New Blog!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

louisiana renaissance festival.

Nick had graciously been granted a four day weekend by his CO for Veteran's Day.  What's a family to do with four days of freedom on the Gulf Coast?  The answer came in the form of the Louisiana Renaissance Festival with a promotion for Active Duty Military to get into the festivities for free!  Done and done.

We were greeted by this large sign when we entered.  I'd like to think I know a thing or two about jousting, as it is Maryland's state sport, but apparently in Louisiana they joust alligators.  Typical.

Nick and I are always down to people watch.  Especially here.  Especially with a camera.  So enjoy this photo-documentary of our experience.  And see how creepy we are when we take pictures of strange people.

First Nick decided to do some archery.  I overheard two teenage boys talking to each other about driving up to Maryland where they had just legalized pot.  I wanted to tell them they could drive up there and get married, but they couldn't get pot.  Not yet at least.

Then there was this really creepy teenage boy walking around in a dragon costume.  I initially assumed he worked for the festival, but the moment he took of his mask I decided he must not be allowed near Owen.  It was something about his sparse teenage boy mustache that put me off.

Did you know there is an obesity epidemic here?  I know I'm getting hit by lightning for that one.  This picture clearly illustrates our strategy of pretending to photograph each other, but really we are just trying to capture... whatever you would call this.

Owen couldn't stop staring.  Neither could I, I can't blame him.

Then I made Nick stand in line for chips.  There was no way I was going to talk to the food wenches.  Fellow seagulls, these were like the delicious gull's nest chips that we used to binge on.

My second favorite costume of the day was this demon boy.  Beelzebub.  Lucifer.  I'm not sure, but full black body paint screams commitment.  It also screams "I come here everyday the festival's open."

The rednecks were there.

So was the Queen's fork guardian.  (Did I mention the obesity epidemic?)

And then this happened.  The girl in her underwear covered by some nude panty hose.  What you can't immediately tell is that the man she's assisting is beginning to dress in his Ent costume.  That's right.  That guy eventually turned out to be Tree Beard.  This brings me to my Middle Earth segway.

Nothing screams renaissance like Middle Earth!  (?)  We saw some hobbits, some Ents, and of course we saw Gandalf and Galadriel.  Though to be fair he could have been Dumbledore visiting the past.

My favorite part was the birds of prey booth which I stood at for way too long, looking at this amazing eagle owl and golden eagle and gyr falcon and red tailed hawk and peregrine falcon and... and... and.. then I got scared away by the lady who engaged the falconer in a conversation involving her dragging a ranch in New Mexico and unearthing a golden eagle body which she then took feathers from, but prayed to the Native American's that it's soul would be... that's when I walked away.

Biggest fail?  No Game of Thrones costumes!  Come on now, I know you have HBO in LA!

Monday, November 5, 2012


Well, I know you were all waiting with bated breath to find out about the lizard in my car. Corey Matthews was found alive in a snack cup after a week of living undetected in the Rav.  Speaking of Corey Matthews, my trusty husband informed me that Disney is in talks with Ben Savage and Danielle Fischel to do a Boy meets World sequel.  It proved to be so exciting to my psyche that I dreamt about it all night long.  That's really saying something since I watched ten minutes of The Walking Dead last night and saw a zombie rip a dude's throat out.  I wonder.... Will they bring back Uncle Eric? I'll leave you with this.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


There is a lizard in my car.  I had been home for about an hour when I walked out to the garage to grab my sunglasses.  Lizard.  On front seat.

Excuse me lizard.  Were you riding with me to the doctor's office?  Or did you just make your way in?  How did you get in might I ask? Did you crawl through a microscopic crevice?  Jerk.

Twinky was locked into the car with him for an hour, but she did not catch him.  She just curled up on the front seat and lounged.  So much for plan A.  Plan B is Nick.  Just Nick.

I might as well show you the rest of the gang from my porch.  Now I'm thinking there are just as many reptiles housed in my garage.  I do not look forward to packing day when we move.  Lizards jumping out at us from all angles!!

This is Alistair.

His name is Jimminy.

And finally Corey Matthews.  Could Corey be the one in the car too?

Sunday, October 14, 2012

i killed biff.

Do you remember Biff and Linda?  They were the anole couple that lived on my back porch.  They had a baby this summer.  I didn't name him.  Let's call him Corey.

Biff is the green one... I think.  

Biff was a victim of my post cockroach insecticide apocalypse.  Let me explain.  You see, I sprayed our house inside and out with many layers of a household insecticide.  Every window, crevasse, nook or cranny was coated.  The porch was not spared.  In retrospect perhaps I should not have sprayed the porch.  I theorize Biff feasted on the dead bug buffet under the window... and was poisoned!  I walked out one morning to Biff (I think it was Biff, he turned a zombie shade of gray in death) hanging from our window sill.  Three legs on, one off, head lolling off to the side.

"I think Biff is dead" I yelled to Nick.  Nick confirmed the obvious and removed Biff from the window and gave him a touching send off, meaning he flung him from the porch.  Then we saw Linda.  She didn't seem sad, she was cavorting around with that damn skink that had gotten into the house earlier!!

If you'd like for me to review with you what kinds of creatures live on our house here we are.  Two anoles, two skinks, a family of geckos, an assortment of tree frogs.  Just stay outside and eat bugs guys and you'll be fine with me.

Saturday, October 13, 2012


Did I tell you I got an anchor permanently tattooed onto my wrist?

Well, I did.  So did Nick.  We anchor each other now.  Ha ha ha ha.

Now when I wear my Navy wife anchor accessories I feel kind of obsessed.  That maybe passersby lean over to each other and say "That lady must really like anchors."

Anchor scarf.  Anchor tat.  I thought the best way to show you both was if I did the robot and had dead eyes.  

Friday, October 5, 2012

i'm not cool.

I'm not that cool.  My former college roommates will tell you that.  They had to endure my Jessica Simpson poster, ferret calender, and princess wand dorm room decor.  I had an eclectic style back then. It was embarrassing with a taste of lame.

Then I got a job.  I could afford to be (moderately) cooler.  Then I moved to California.  Oh my gosh.  Skinny jeans.  Boots outside of jeans five years after it was socially acceptable.  Ray bans.  I was cool.  (nope, not really)

THEN I came to Mississippi y'all!  Got fat, had a baby, stopped showering.  Kept brushing my teeth... most days.  One day I tried to do the "ring finger a different color" trend.  My friends were utterly bewildered.  I gave up.  I still wore skinny jeans, though they're more like "sausage" jeans because that's what my legs look like all stuffed into them...

Twinky helped me to online shop.  

THEN I went back to Maryland for a month.  I stared, open mouthed, at what people were wearing.  "What are people wearing?"  Wow.  Out of touch I was.  Don't worry, I have a credit card.  I got my hands on some infinity scarves, some hot purple skinnies, and a color block shirt.  You can all breathe a sigh of relief.

left side. FALSIES!  Right eye, no mascara.  Makes my whole face look lopsided!
Freckles?  Genetics and living in perpetual summertime.  

falsies eye lashes.  so fetch.   

THEN I got obsessed with New Girl, in honor of season 2 I looked up a Zooey Deschanel make up tutorial and bought Maybelline Falsies.  Five bucks at Walmart y'all.  It's a can do!  Then
Nick got back internet access after being in the arctic circle and he said "Stop buying things" so if I start to look uncool we can all blame Nick...
doing the splits to show you my nails, scarf, and skinnies.

I'm 26.  I want to wear purple skinnies while I can!  While it's not desperately sad.  Oh no!  Do I look desperately sad?  What am I saying.  No one could look sad while wearing hot purple jeans!  I want a crazy nail.  There you have it.