Diet Fail!
Weight Watchers works. It teaches you how to eat right proportions of foods you like. It lets you splurge. For the past two weeks I have not been letting myself use all my splurge points. I want to lose more weight! More weight, MoRe WeIgHT, MORE WEIGHT! Seeing the pounds come off is a high. It's a relief. It validates my behavior for the entire week. I sigh when I get off the scale and I am lighter. Sometimes I do a happy dance. If I gain weight I torture myself all day. I obsess over what I ate.
Weight Watchers causes me to become a creature of habit. I had the overnight field trip last night and I ate a granola bar that I didn't plan on! I had Starbucks in the morning! Starbucks that was a third of my daily allowable calorie intake. Mind you I have the flex points to do this. I worked out today. I slept for about 5 hours last night, not well may I add. I took a shower and immediately headed to the gym to burn that Starbucks off. That's not normal. That's obsessive.
With Nick gone I found a diet was a good thing to keep my mind off it. Now it has become a monster! People- I am going to work on finding my validation in Christ this week. I will not be defined by the numbers on the scale or how far I ran on the treadmill. I will be defined by Christ's love. It's going to be a struggle, but I pray I'll be less obsessed in the future.
1 comment:
amen sister.. it's funny you wrote that because this week i've been beating myself up about not running and eating badly. i'm obsessive about it too. praying that it gets better for both of us! and that we can make an effort to be healthy without torturing ourselves about it. :)
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