If you have never read this blog before I would like to initially tell you that I am on a diet called Weight Watchers.
Weight Watchers works. It teaches you how to eat right proportions of foods you like. It lets you splurge. For the past two weeks I have not been letting myself use all my splurge points. I want to lose more weight! More weight, MoRe WeIgHT, MORE WEIGHT! Seeing the pounds come off is a high. It's a relief. It validates my behavior for the entire week. I sigh when I get off the scale and I am lighter. Sometimes I do a happy dance. If I gain weight I torture myself all day. I obsess over what I ate.
Weight Watchers causes me to become a creature of habit. I had the overnight field trip last night and I ate a granola bar that I didn't plan on! I had Starbucks in the morning! Starbucks that was a third of my daily allowable calorie intake. Mind you I have the flex points to do this. I worked out today. I slept for about 5 hours last night, not well may I add. I took a shower and immediately headed to the gym to burn that Starbucks off. That's not normal. That's obsessive.
With Nick gone I found a diet was a good thing to keep my mind off it. Now it has become a monster! People- I am going to work on finding my validation in Christ this week. I will not be defined by the numbers on the scale or how far I ran on the treadmill. I will be defined by Christ's love. It's going to be a struggle, but I pray I'll be less obsessed in the future.