I was reluctant to break out this title so soon in the game. But I felt the need. Whenever I walk away from the presence of my friends or my family and get in my car to drive home the same refrain runs through my mind "All by myself.... Don't wanna be, All by myself" Nick was like my best friend/ rock and while he is coming back I have to balance how I relied on him.
I just miss his daily "Nickisms" and I keep thinking how he always said "Sacrifices Kaley, Sacrifices" Though mostly it was joking I've kind of realized that being married to a Naval Officer is going to be a life riddled with sacrifices. I can't wait for him to come home, but I've got to find a way to deal and cope because he is always going to be leaving and coming back. This is only the beginning. It's weird because I've always been a person who craved alone time and could almost be dubbed as a hermit. So you would think I am enjoying this time... but everytime I realize it's JUST me it's like a void fills my eardrums and it just freaks me out. I can't use witty banter to hide from me. I know what I'm like and being alone leaves no distractions from yourself. Even so, I know I have to go to the bank today. I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to go alone. What if I don't know what to do when the teller asks me for my access number? What if I have to make eye contact with a stranger? And I have to take laundry to my parents. With no husband I have to lug the laundry basket down the steep stairs and down a hill to my car (And we all know how I am graceful on the stairs).
So forgive me for complaining and whining and generally feeling bad for myself. I am sure I will be more well adjusted soon. Jesus is really nice to me. I will prevail.
Also, having the day off made me realize how very many people are home during the day. What are they doing??? Do a lot of people have off for Jewish holidays? Oh, and when I came home last night there were FBI things up by the buzz in box that said "Federal Bureau of Investigation for Neighbor 106 & 107" is that a joke? Or is the FBI investigating the people who live below me? It made me feel weird.
Gotta go brave to outside world :/
Kaley
3 comments:
when is he coming back home? also, i have found that many are out and about during the day and wonder why they aren't working (as a nanny I go and do as i please) but it does get more ridiculous after the three o'clock hour...
Kaley, I love you a lot.
I so relate with missing your husband ridiculously, even though while you were dating you were without him all the time. It's a weird phenomenon. I empathize! I'll be praying the time goes by fast. When Drew traveled for 2 weeks for work, I cried EVERYDAY. I felt like an idiot, but couldn't help it.
My heart is with you, my friend. LOVE!
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