Things that are safe, things that are not

I was listening to my new favorite CD "Fiction Family" and heard this quote.  

"You can tell what you trust by the things that you fear"

Which, because I'm me, got me thinking about things that I fear.  So, I am going to grace you with the top five things that I personally fear.  (One being the most terrifying)

1. Zombies.  It matters not that they are fiction.  One clip from "Night of the Living Dead" gives me the creepies.  Let's not even talk about how "I am Legend" still gives me nightmares.  I HATE zombies so much so that my husband got me a zombie survival book for Christmas (That I'm too scared to read). 
2. Thieves who have murderous or uncouth intentions towards women.  A creek in the floorboards=murderer
3. Confrontation.  Please, if you feel the need, don't.  I'd rather not.  I still have bad dreams about encountering a friend from high school and having to explain myself.  
4. Children and their parents.  Will one of them hurt themselves when I'm not looking?  Will I make a grammatical mistake on a paper and appear a total uneducated idiot???  Will I contract MRSA staph infection or some other deadly disease from their unbathed bodies? I could go on and on.
5. Porcelain dolls.  Why do these exist?  WHYYYYY.  And the ones that have the eyes that roll in their heads.  It's like they are watching you.  Nobody wants a doll that can blink! Their lack of joints in the elbows and knees is equally disturbing.  Also, dolls are inherently evil.  Stuffed animals are not.  You can protect yourself if you have an evil porcelain doll (She may look nice now, but wait until the sun goes down and she turns on you) by surrounding your bed with stuffed animals.  I've solved this problem by giving away all dolls.  Even American Girl dolls are not allowed out at night (Not that I have had them out in about 15 years)
6. Other fears include (w/out going into detail) large dogs, answering the phone, first impressions, looking like a fool in public, forgetting to wear shoes to school, mac technology, and of course dangerous wild animals.

Now you know.  Take whatever precautions you need to protect yourself from zombies, dolls, confrontation, burglars, and elementary schools.  If you need any tips please contact me.  My biggest tip for avoiding confrontation is using your diminutive stature to melt into a crowd before you can be spotted.  If you are not petite, you are screwed and I wish you the best of luck!

Love, Kaley