Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Today our third grade had a special treat.  For our "Communities" unit in Social Studies, which mysteriously covers the local government, a State Senator came to visit!  That's right, a real live legislator.  Take it from me, I was nervous in the presence of a man who delegates money into our school system.  And take it from me, I was right to be nervous.  

"Mr. D" represents our local district in the state assembly.  To my credit, I did teach the children about the three branches of government in each the federal, state, and local level.  One student even retained this information ("You are a legislator in the government who makes laws") and spat it back out.  However, after an anecdote about how a fifth grade class petitioned to have a state cat (The calico) the students could not get back on track.  I will delight you with a smattering of the questions my class saw fit to ask the dear Senator.  (If he only knew what he was getting himself into)

Senator D: "What is the state bird? It is a local sports team."

Student: "Peacock!!!!!"  

Other guesses included bald eagle, raven, robin, and vulture.  

Senator D: "What is the state fish?"

"Whale" 

 "Goldfish" 

 "Striped bass!" (Bless you Joseph for that reasonable answer)

"Why is our state fish a rockfish?! People shouldn't eat the state fish.  It should be a king crab!  Less people eat those!"

My reply: "Okay, king crabs are neither a fish or local.  They come from the Bering Sea.  Let's move on"

Answers for state dog: Chihuahua  (A fine local pet!)

Star Wars boy asked "What are you doing about the rebel forces?"  

• "Do we have a state monkey?"
  
• "Are you rich?"
  
• "What are serial killers?"
  
• "How have you been helping families effected by the economic crisis?" Wait, what was that last one?  Oh yeah, that's right.  A genius amongst the masses.  
• Oh here's my favorite: "Is it dark?"

Needless to say I have learned a life lesson.  When children are having a profession person visit them and Q&A time lurks around the corner.... pre approval of all questions.  

Love, Kaley

PS Learn something the Elementary Way!

Career Change

I'm not sure that I always want to be a teacher.  Here is what I have decided to do.  I am going to write children's poetry.  I think this could be lucrative and fun.  If you have ever heard of Jack Prelutsky, famed children's poet laureate, then you know what I mean.  

Previously I have tried my hand at crass pop culture poetry when Tara and I had a blog in college.  Lately I have been driving by BFS, our local farm supply store where I was employed for five years of my life.  I think to start an appreciation of local businesses in children, that I will write a poem about my years at Bowen's Farm Supply.  

ODE TO BOWEN'S FARM SUPPLY

The chemical fertilizer 

is damaging my brain

The landscapers are worried

I hope it soon will rain

We don't want the fertile grass

to contract a deadly fungus

And I need several more tips

to kill the rats among us

They're asking me for drain tile

which is really a pipe

Bobbex truly is worth it

You can believe the hype

I don't think that I  

shall soon forget my knowledge

That I might have never learned

through my degree in college

Now, I realize I may need to spend more than 2 minutes composing poems and actually learn about iambic pentameter.  Perhaps I should even try to come up with something more clever than an "A/B" rhyme scheme and watch that the amount of syllables match up.  I do, however, feel deep in my heart that the raw talent is there.  Just like Joaquin Phoenix said "Screw it, I'm gonna sing R&B" I'm saying "World!  I want to write children's poetry!"

Disclaimer: This post was sarcastic.

Love, Kaley

Things that are safe, things that are not

I was listening to my new favorite CD "Fiction Family" and heard this quote.  

"You can tell what you trust by the things that you fear"

Which, because I'm me, got me thinking about things that I fear.  So, I am going to grace you with the top five things that I personally fear.  (One being the most terrifying)

1. Zombies.  It matters not that they are fiction.  One clip from "Night of the Living Dead" gives me the creepies.  Let's not even talk about how "I am Legend" still gives me nightmares.  I HATE zombies so much so that my husband got me a zombie survival book for Christmas (That I'm too scared to read). 
2. Thieves who have murderous or uncouth intentions towards women.  A creek in the floorboards=murderer
3. Confrontation.  Please, if you feel the need, don't.  I'd rather not.  I still have bad dreams about encountering a friend from high school and having to explain myself.  
4. Children and their parents.  Will one of them hurt themselves when I'm not looking?  Will I make a grammatical mistake on a paper and appear a total uneducated idiot???  Will I contract MRSA staph infection or some other deadly disease from their unbathed bodies? I could go on and on.
5. Porcelain dolls.  Why do these exist?  WHYYYYY.  And the ones that have the eyes that roll in their heads.  It's like they are watching you.  Nobody wants a doll that can blink! Their lack of joints in the elbows and knees is equally disturbing.  Also, dolls are inherently evil.  Stuffed animals are not.  You can protect yourself if you have an evil porcelain doll (She may look nice now, but wait until the sun goes down and she turns on you) by surrounding your bed with stuffed animals.  I've solved this problem by giving away all dolls.  Even American Girl dolls are not allowed out at night (Not that I have had them out in about 15 years)
6. Other fears include (w/out going into detail) large dogs, answering the phone, first impressions, looking like a fool in public, forgetting to wear shoes to school, mac technology, and of course dangerous wild animals.

Now you know.  Take whatever precautions you need to protect yourself from zombies, dolls, confrontation, burglars, and elementary schools.  If you need any tips please contact me.  My biggest tip for avoiding confrontation is using your diminutive stature to melt into a crowd before you can be spotted.  If you are not petite, you are screwed and I wish you the best of luck!

Love, Kaley

San Diego, are you ready for me?

The west coast. Over 3,500 miles away. The land with no seasons. And where people can have outdoor furniture with cushions that don't turn moldy. Good thing I've been following the Hills for years so I think I'll be ready. I am hoping that my skin cancer doesn't proliferate in this sunny region. I might post a picture of me before I leave just to keep you updated (and me accountable) on my tan (or absence thereof). I know I am going to love San Diego (insert Anchorman joke here), but I'm already missing the Atlantic and huge estuary that MD can offer. I heart brown, radioactive South River water. Do you know how many dead animals I have encountered while retreating to the community pier? You can't possibly know. Coot, raccoon, possible human remains... What is not to miss I ask you??

On another note, it is President's day on Monday. To celebrate I read my class a book on George Washington's teeth. I thought he had wooden teeth. Oh no, he had dentures carved out of hippopotamus tusk. Yeah, and they still exist today. His dentures. Here are some more facts that I have learned from my class.

1. North America was discovered in 1996 or 97, give or take a year.
2. There is only one bald eagle. He has been with us these some 250 years.
3. Everything about history that any kid knows comes from "National Treasure" 1 or 2.

I won't be posting, or maybe I will. Hope you are able to stand the suspense.

Love, Kaley

iMac.

Did you know that if the iMac wants you to update software it just bounces up and down incessantly in the corner. 

 And did you know you have to type in the password to update it.  

And did you know I don't know Nick's password.  

And did you know Nick is asleep so said bouncing starlight update sphere is mocking me while I blog?

Love, Kaley

Happy (Early) Valentine's Day

I'd like to alert you to the fact that this is going to be a two part blog.  The first part will explore the love I have for my husband.  The second will show my disenchanted fall from grace(teaching).  

Top six reasons why I love my husband in the most romantic month of the year. (Because five seemed like too little and ten seemed like too much pressure)

1. I happen to think my husband is a looker.  Blonde hair, blue eyes.  I hope our children look like him.  Could I even venture to say (Earmuffs please!) I "bagged a hottie"?
2. Nick leaves me little notes when he's visiting at school.  For instance, in my eraser prize jar there is a post it that says "You are the best teacher ever".  
3. Nick sends me flowers.  I love flowers.  Need I say more?
4. When I decide that I want to match Nick's shirt, he lets me.  I think our monochromatic looks says to the world "Hey, we love each other"
5. I think the biggest love gesture Nick displayed in our marriage was shaving his beard for our wedding.  Nothing says love like shaving off your chin muff.  
6. Nick is the only one who knows the full extent of my craziness/laziness.  Really, even my roommates have only known a "diluted" version of the true Kaley.  Nick has concentrate all day and he still loves me anyway.  Thanks for picking up all those cups Nick!

Okay, now with all that romantic (was it?) stuff aside let me tell you all how I fell out of love with teaching.  

1. I become most angered when children disrespect things I spent money on i.e. books, valentine day decor etc, etc. 
2. Children correcting me all day even though they are ALWAYS wrong about it.  "You spelled 'move' wrong.  The v should be an n"  OR "2+2 IS 5" Nope, wrong.
3. Parent retaliation.  I live in fear that I have let some sarcastic and non nurturing comment slip from my mouth.  Please don't sue me!
4. Differentiation.  An individual remediation plan for every student.  There are not enough hours in the day.  Graphic organizer this, behavior chart that, why don't we just beam in some new brains while we're at it?  Well, guess what buddy!  I have nightmares that that kid won't learn to read.  Turn the cooker down will ya?
5. Sheisty children.  When did kids get SO good at sucker punching each other.  Or stealing?  I'm thinking about getting cameras installed!

Disclaimer.  I am not as crotchety as I seem.  I think I'm making a difference and I get really scared that I am not providing every last resource these kids have to succeed.  But really I just became a teacher for the discount on kids novels!  

Love, Kaley

Kaley posting: Minus a Nick.

Nick has gone to Surface Warfare Officer School (SWOS) for three weeks back in Newport.  Let me tell you something- iChat is an amazing thing.  We can talk to each other through...get this... video chat!  It was very nice.  I thank my iMac and its built in camera.  Very nice to see my husband's handsome face.  Makes the seperation seem a little less lonely.  Now, I am a drama queen, I will see him next week for Valentine's Day.  I decided to fly out.  

Speaking of Valentine's Day, I was watching TV, [which I normally never do (Shay, Right)] when I saw a lotion ad.  This add inferred that you were more lovable when moisturized.  I have NO chance this Valentine's Day!  I mean, I'm hoping my husband loves my dried, cracking, cryptkeeper like skin.  On my most recent trip to the dermatologist she said I had some of the driest skin she had ever seen.  Dermatology-1 Kaley-0.  

Update: Kitty had not yet tripped up my grandparents and caused them grievous injury.  Bonus! 

Love, Kaley

Beware!

Yeah, I tried to get a new blog template.  Just like I failed at mixing up some muddy buddies, I am failing at html.  Please bear with me in my blog naivete.  

Sincerest Apologies, 

Kaley (not so much Nick, he is busy doing Navy Studies and as a result I have ruined something else he worked hard at)