Puppies, Kittens, and Rainbows...On why cable is ruining the youth of America.

As you well know, I am a third grade teacher. Third grade= 8/9 year olds. Eight and Nine year olds whose favorite tv show is family guy and whose favorite movie is Alien vs. Predator. What is up with all the crap parents are letting their children watch? I'm thankful for Hannah and the other Disney shows, but this is not enough for these kids. This I blame on the parents and I will tell you why.
Have you ever seen the movie "Milo and Otis"? It left a lasting impact on me from Elementary School. Ms. Ironmonger, my first grade teacher, first showed me this video and it changed my life. It's a live action movie with a cat and a pug dog voiced by one rambunctious English narrator. Milo and Otis leave the farm, find each other again, and give live birth to puppies and kittens. Along the way, the English narrator voices many other animals such as a sea turtle and bear in the exact same voice as Milo and Otis. A low budget, G rated, touching film. When I saw this available for purchase I knew at once I had to own it. I would be the teacher to change a childs life! But would they like it? Had the youth of America become too corrupt? Oh no friends. Oh no. They laughed, gasped, and shouted advice in unison! They hoped for rain so they could have the opportunity to finish this cinematic treat during further indoor recess. Kids and animals folks. I implore the movie machine to pump out a few more movies like Milo and Otis and a few less inappropriate but attractive to children cartoons.
Please enjoy this especially bad part where the narrator uses awful dialogue (that the children loved) to portray a conversation between a pug and a sea turtle.

This experience lifted a layer of bitterness from my cold teachers heart and gave me a big warm fuzzy.

School Year: Day 3

Where did the summer go? How could one TV show (Hannah Montana) pump out this much merchandise? Do you really need that H.M. folder, shoes, shirt, jacket, headband, backpack, notebook, pencil, pen, and sticker? When are we (the teachers) going to stop wearing our nice outfits and throw together what isn't in desperate need of dry cleaning?
Things such as these are filling my mind as my euphoric summer state was ripped from underneath me by the trials and tribulations of being a public school teacher. I'm not complaining, but the change is almost shocking to go from 0 responsibility to ... more than that.
I think my class is good, I'm hoping upon hope. But this is only the first week. Give them time. However, by this time last year I knew I was in for a ride (turning clothes around backwards, picking off toenails, etc, etc) Here is a quote from a student today:
"Mrs., I have a confession to make. See that girl over there? I am attracted to her."
I teach third grade. This child speaks like a robot, sooooo that makes it funnier. I had a vomiter on the first day of school. He has not vomited since. If only I was witty enough to get paid for an light hearted educational driven anonymous blog. One can dream.
By the way, being employed in a profession where you are called by your last name, and changing said name to a challenging to pronounce last name... Well, I never knew how many different pronunciations my new monicker would get me. The poor children- Pahtrayah, Pat-reeyah, and various combinations thereof. None of the staff knows either. Sometimes even I can't remember. Yesterday I got a letter in my school mailbox addressed to Caity Miller. I'm like "I'm Miss Miller"...not Caity though! It was sad to lose it, but better to gain a new one.
Today I planned and looked at my files and saw what a hot mess I was last year at this time. It's good to know one can grow. But I do wish I had kept better files from last year, but Heck who am I kidding, it's miraculous I kept them at all. I go to sleep with words like white out tape, Smart Board, Open Court, Cuisenaire Rods, and vomit going through my head. I wonder if I should have told that little boy that pythons eat children.
Oh for the summer days when I just worried about when to get up. I think I have a hangover. A summer vacation hangover.
I'll try to document the EXTREME amount of Disney merchandise in my classroom each day. Miley Cyrus has got to be a billionaire.
Love, Kaley and Nick

Filling In

Ok, ok, ok, I know that I've been lacking in the blogging area, but I've been up to important things. Most importantly trying to get Matt B. to start blogging again. So if you are friends with him get on his case because his blogging is dearly missed. Send him death threats or something, Kaley has already threatened the abduction of his first born.

I also haven't been picking up my end of the slack because I have been training for Officer Candidate School which is a mere 3 1/2 weeks away!! I will admit, the thought makes me a little sick to the stomach because although being a Naval Officer is something I've wanted to do since the day I came out of the womb, the thought of a Marine Drill Instructor in my face, nonstop running, pushup, situps, bear crawls, anything that seems like it may want to make you puke, makes me really really really nervous. So I think about 2 or 3 weeks ago I had a reality check and decided that I wasn't in the best shape to go and if I kept up the pace I was at my life would be miserable for 3 months. So I have been running lots every other day and I joined a gym where I have been going in between my running days. I actually just go back from a 3 mile run.

The summer has been pretty laid back for me. I've been waiting table occasionally and hanging out with my awesome wife. She is back at school which is sad because we can't hang out whenever we want anymore and now she has to deal with little kids that either fart, puke, or just drive her crazy sometimes. And since she's been gone I've found myself having to do a lot of things that she did, like making the bed and picking up around the house. I really appreciate the things she does, because let me tell you, it gets kind of mundane and sometime you just don't want to do it. Like right now, it's about 1:30 in the afternoon and I don't think that the bed is made yet. But it will be when Kaley gets home.

Other than working out, waiting tables, and hanging out with my sweet wife, I've golfed a bit, hung out with some of my favorite friends, and leveled up a couple times in Halo. All in all its been the most relaxing summer I've had in a while but in 3 weeks I'm going to wish it was summer all over again. That's all I've got for ya.

Yours Truly,

Nick and Kaley

On Pedagogy

Pedagogy is the scientific name for teaching. People who use it are mostly ridiculous and trying to show that they know big words. I am not a scientist. But I do have a B.S. degree. Sometimes I wish I was a scientist so I could reasearch why the hallowed halls of my elementary school always smell like cabbage, but I will stick with calling myself a teacher. School starts on Monday. I am getting a new class. New little children to worry about at night and try not to fail. My classroom is looking pretty sweet, I went with an apple theme which may seem cliche but hear me out, these are photos of real apples, not an artists rendering of one! I feel this theme is more visually stimulating to children and puts me a step above other teachers who only have access to cartoon apples. However, one of my students has fruit allergies. I hope this theme won't be bothersome to him. Nick came in to do some slave labor like taping name tags on desks and hanging posters that are too high for me to reach. Things are looking good- I've got my Harry Potter Poster up behind my desk with my manatee poster underneath. The children will think it is for them, you all know it is for me.
My reading area has an arm chair with a HP pillow and some stuffed snakes, I am hoping parents don't think I support the occult when they come to back to school night.
Think of me on Monday, along with my fellow teachers. Summer looks a lot shorter from this end of the school year. If you didn't know, my Dad contracted a tick born disease like Lyme's disease, but it's called Erlichiosis (which I thought was a joke at first because of Gov. Erlich). He is still pretty sick, but is improving. I really have nothing to update beyond that.
Love, Kaley and Nick

Updates.

Earlier in the year I claimed that Nick and I were going to take up tennis. Does playing twice count as "taking up"? Here is proof that we played:
I didn't suck. But I wasn't good either. After tennis our sink blew up. The bathroom sink was clogged so Nick unscrewed the u-bend (I think) and went to dump it in the kitchen sink. Then he turned on the garbage disposal to dispose of the clog. Well, basically the garbage disposal was clogged and so day old shredded stir fry spewed out of the open sink hole in the bathroom onto my beautiful rug, hair dryer, and other assorted items. If you ever wondered what rotten day old stir fry smells like it is-vomit. Atrocious vomit. And it looked like it too. Why did this happen? No one knows. The guy came and fixed it already, but garbage disposals are gross and I hate them and shouldn't be connected to the sink in the bathroom.

In school news, I set up my classroom and will receive children into it on Monday. No one has gasped in horror when they saw my class list so I am pretty convinced the next year won't be awful.
That is all.
Love, Kaley and Nick

No Dark Sarcasm in the Classroom...

As Monday draws closer and closer I keep hearing one song in my head- "Schools out for the summer- School's out forEVER". And how true I wish that was. I LOVE doing nothing and getting the same paycheck I got as when I worked about 45 hours a week. Stay at home moms- Iget it! Even though Ihave no one to take care of but myself I love to stay home and hold down the hatch.
I brought home my reading manual for the first unit. Did I crack that sucker once? Nope. One thing you can be sure of: This year I transform myself into every childs worst nightmare. There will be no misbehaving in my classroom. Ben and I even considered getting glow and the dark eyes tattooed on the back of our heads to frighten children when they walk in the first day. I wonder when they walk in...who is really a good kid, and who is pretending? Which one will become my worst nightmare in two weeks when he feels comfortable enough to reveal his true self? Which one's name will I mutter in my nightmares and refuse to name my children after? All these questions will be answered in two weeks. I go back to work on Monday-but that's just to set up my c-room and have meetings.
Also, with a 20% increase in school supplies I'll be praying my students have enough money to come to school with pencils. And I won't scare them, just scare them out of misbehaving.
Your friendly neighborhood teacher,
Kaley

Laguna Beach-Dunzo?

The show begins "The people, locations, and drama is all real". We all know that "The Hills" couldn't start with such a statement and I relish the days of old when reality television was pure. And secretly long for Hilary Duffs fab theme song. Tara and Nick liked Laguna Beach more than I did, but I came around. What other show could you hear "stoked", "rad" and "amped" in the same sentence?
Some Laguna Wisdom:
According the Kristin, Steven, and their assorted cronies it is impossible for a boyfriend to stay faithful in College. Ridiculous! Ludicrous they say! Well, I married Nick-my highschool sweetheart- and we met at 16. In your face Kristin! I tried to look you up in Google News and the latest I got was a story from 2006. Hmmm. Meanwhile your ex has dated Hayden Pat....(Who can spell her name anyway?) and Lauren stars in The Hills, which I avidly watch until the fakeness becomes too apparent and then I jump ship. And honestly-who remembers the other people on that show? That guy who threw the fashion show, the mormon girl who went to BYU, and someone who got engaged to Rod Stewarts daughter.
It makes me wish I had a reality TV show. Would they do a reality series on a girl who spends all her time watching reality series?
Oh well,

Kaley

And I will love you, until forever....

Today I made a mistake.
I watched "Nick Lachey: Behind the Music"
For those of you who don't know (not many) I had a television love affair with The Newlyweds-AKA- Nick and Jessica. I had a poster. I had a t-shirt. I had every DVD they ever starred in: television specials, Newlyweds DVDs, music videos. I dragged my future husband to a Jessica Simpson concert. I knew all the words to their theme song. I bought "Dessert" by Jessica Simpson which is expensive lip gloss. I marshaled the television whenever my show came on.
So, I'm trying to say, I was obsessed. Nick was so down to earth and funny! (Remember when he tried to move those couches through the balcony?). Jessica was also heartwarmingly ditzy (Ballerinos anyone?) When they got divorced, I couldn't believe it. I even remember it was Thanksgiving morning when my Dad blasted me with the news of their separation (Though I did win 50 bucks in college when they made it past the two year mark). I was able to put this behind me. I blamed Jessica and boycotted "Public Affair" but bought (Nick bought me) Lachey's new heartbroken album. ("We built it up to watch it fall, like we meant nothing at all"...her fault folks)
Behind the music dredged up this celebrity heartache. I haven't been able to invest in a pop culture icon as I did with them, the hurt was too big. I thought they could make it. They were good together. Now J.S. is saying she was abused and Nick is dating a knife wielding, Lindsay Lohan kissing crazy woman. (See below, She's the one whose not Lindsay Lohan)I think they should get back together. Judge Judy divorced and remarried, why can't they? Why can't Jessica come back to Jesus and sing songs of redemption and abstinence?
The what-ifs of this life are too big. A lost hope in the scope of the world.
Friends, I realize most of you don't care. Most of you think the Newlyweds was a silly show and knew (unlike myself) that this union would end is dissolution. Still, I hope.
Love, Kaley

Reflections on travel.

Dear readers, (if you are out there)
For the past few nights I have been watching the Olympics. Not by choice, but by proximity to my father and husband. I've seen gymnastics, swimming, and horse competitions. I had no interest in said olympics...until they started competing. I mean, I really wanted America to win! I insulted a French swimmer and was not upset when an Australian's horse started to kirk out. (I mean, I felt bad for the horse, just not the Australian) While reflecting on my desire to see America triumph I started to think about traveling. Nick and I have stayed in some pretty sheisty places. A seedy hotel in Boston and a frightening casita in Cozumel, Mexico. Wales wasn't scary, they have no guns and lots of sheep, but there weren't an abundance of chicken tenders which was dissappointing. A lot of people like to travel and discover new cultures, try new things, get a little spontaneous.
Well, I'd like to pose the question- What is so bad about being a homebody? It's not like I just mistrust other countries, I mistrust other places in America! Florida-death by alligator or shark, Cities? Full of crime and pestilence. I even got scared moving to Eastport from Edgewater and they even start with the same letter. Now, I run the risk of people finding me close minded by posting this, but I'd like to offer an argument as to why my worldview is ok.
Tolkien. Yeah I said it. I'm just like a hobbit. They enjoy the shire and even when they are traveling-they just dream of the shire. And Tolkien even says, "It's a dangerous business stepping out of your front door". I agree. Unfortunately while checking that quote I found this quote "The hobbits are just rustic English people, made small in size because it reflects the generally small reach of their imagination"
You win some, you lose some.
Unrelated story:
Nick and I were driving around late last night and I begged him for a milkshake. Nick decided to get a Mighty Kids Meal. As soon as the man handed us our M.K.M. Nick turns the the backseat and says loudly "Here you go, Timmy!" And we drove away. He did this so the man thought the meal was not for him. But my windows aren't tinted so...
Until next time,
Kaley
PS Also I should say that my husband feels the opposite way, he loves a little travel and spontaneity. SO, I shall be forced to expand my horizons despite my hobbit-like existence.

In Case You Are Interested.

Dear Friends,
I have done something, and am about to do something, that pulls against my eager desire to avoid rejection at every turn. I have submitted my wedding to the knot's 'Real Weddings' It is an opportunity to post 7 pictures to sum up your wedding day. I messed up the first picture I posted, so now I can't draw people in to look at it. Still, I have garnered three comments. Some nice lady complimented my florists work with the bells of ireland...having no idea what these are, I am flattered. It is about to leave the first page of the most recently posted weddings, and I fear it will be lost to oblivion on page 2. That is why I am giving you the web address to check out my work.

http://myrealwedding.theknot.com/photo/view/Pink-and-Green-Wedding

My new challenge, along with my faithful photographer Drea, is to choose 20 pictures to submit to the website to be featured as wedding of the week. They have to be pictures that truly set the wedding apart in originality and a lot should be of the detail of the day. This idea was born to me when I spent two inservice days at the end of the year (after I finished packing up my room of course) looking at featured "Real Weddings of the Week" on the knot. I most likely won't get chosen, but since I never do anything gutsy I am going to try. What's the worst they could do? Reject me? Oh wait... that is my worst fear. Oh well. Hopefully this will assage my obsessive need to show anyone willing my dvd bursting with wedding photos (Or at the very least stop annoying my very patient husband).
OH, one more thing while on the subject of photos. I come from a gene pool devoid of photographic perspective or talent or...anything having to do with capturing a picture. Luckily, I married a man who can take execellent photos. This is handy when you don't want to spend money on actual photographers to decorate your house with. Nick did these and put them up in an artistic way. I am impressed. This is a talent I hope our children inherit. As past roommates can attest, I have bad taste and make worse editing choices when left to my own devices...Jessica Simpson poster? Please note the freakish coincidence that is the TV stating "Summer is almost over", but I can blog about my depression and wrath about school starting later...Love, Kaley and Nick

PS Our walls look terrible and stark in pictures (Highlighting my talent of manipulating light and matter to produce a beautiful photo...NOT) <---that is kind of been lurking since the days when I was obsessed with Waynes World, please forgive me.

Wedding Pictures!

I just received my wedding pictures and they are seriously amazing. So amazing that I put up like 4 albums on facebook...but in case you read this blog and don't have facebook (?) I will put up a few favs. Thank you Drea and Renata for taking such great pictures and to Drea for spending countless hours of her life photoshopping them :) She deserves a medal.


There are about 700 more amazing photos where that came from. I would have made a slideshow, but I don't really know how!
Love, Kaley & Nick

Over the river and through the woods...

I'm going to my Grandparents house to watch "The Quiet Man": an old movie about an Irish boxer who accidentally killed a man so returned to Ireland after vowing never to spar again. Granny has lots of Hershey's treats at her house and always those ice cream cones covered in nuts and chocolate. Also, she gives me books to read.
Jealous?!
Off to Grandmothers house I go!
Love, Kaley (Nick wishes he got some tight ice cream, but is working at Adams tonight)

Bathrooms and Buoys

Friends,
Nick and I had a fun filled day of searching the Home Goods store for chachkeys (I hear designers say this on the Style network a lot, but I don't know how to spell it) to spice up our apartment. We stumbled upon two treasures:

This beautifully unnecessary decorative oar.

This picture of a boat being moored by a BUOY! Ha, you might not believe it but at one point in life I tried to make Nick throw away his buoys. He converted me.

After our purchases, we visited our friendly neighborhood Applebee's. I would like to take a moment to complain about bathrooms that open into the stall. Sometimes there is not enough room to get in AND shut the door right?! I mean, I don't want n-e part of my leg touching that nasty toilet bowl. Why can't it open out? And I'm petite, I can't imagine the pain and suffering this causes some people. What if you fell into the toilet? Anyway...
The dermatologist didn't find anything immediately alarming on my body by way of skin cancer. I had a mole taken off for a biopsy and have to keep and eye on some other spots. Hopefully in ten days I'll know the mole is not cancerous. The helper asked if that was "My boyfriend" in the waiting room and I got to say it was my husband and "No, I'm not a child bride" It was fun.
Signing off for now,
Kaley (and Nick)

Proof of a social life and why I don't deserve one

Friends and readers of this blog,

I have just watched the preview for Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. I'm not going to lie. It looks amazing...as did every other preview for these movies, some of which ended up...sucking. I am hoping this lives up to its name since this is my fav. book in the series.
In other exciting nerd book news, I read the last book in the Twilight series, which highjacked my life for ten hours much to the dismay of my disgruntled husband. This is my public apology to him for my overwhelming nerdiness and addiction to books.
However, children's fantasy does not rule over my life even if it seems I have let it become an integral part (Can the teacher excuse work here?) I asked my other friends who have read Harry if they feel a friendship bond with him and Ben said "I feel he is now like a close middle school friend" indicating Bens healthier ability to detach and move on from fictional characters.
Speaking of Ben, we got to hang out with Ben, Tara, LP, and later some more friends but first at my parents pool. Their pool is awesome (it used to be my pool too, until I decided to leave and cleave with my studly husband) and they still let me use it whenever I want. They are the best parents. Here is evidence of my social life.Any evidence of "rolls" here should be ignored. This is just what happens when our taut six packs are relaxed.

My Mother. I love her.

Before I go, some updates:
Skin Cancer:
I have an appointment Wednesday and hope they will not reprimand me for my tan. Yes people, this is me with a "tan". You should feel bad for me. Hopefully I will not be posting on how I have more skin cancer on Wednesday.
The School Where I Teach:
Someone tried to burn it down by way of a pile of cardboard boxes. They exploded the glass doors in the back of the school. I found this out from The Capital. I hope it didn't burn the doors by my classroom. I can't find out if anyone had contacted me to tell me it's in ashes because I can't figure out how to sign into our new email account. Stinkin' AACPS.
Can't wait for another school year where the community respects the school so much they relentlessly tried to burn it down (Last year they burned the slide).
Love, Kaley